I started a new job this week to my great pleasure. Very happy with it so far. Lots of opportunity for growth and potential to really make my job what I want it to be. One of the few things that is going right these days.
I’ve had a few messages sent to me about my facebook status. I’m fine. Nothing I won’t live through. Just some hard choices made. I realized that I only have to answer to myself, and in doing that I know I’ll have peace of mind in my decisions and in my future. This job enables me to gain the stability I need in my life again. It will help me get back on my feet as well as help build a life..
I will be back at Weight Watchers around Sept 21st or something like that… and back to the gym at the end of September. Looking forward to both. Going to start walking the nature park after work next week. Filling up my calendar and keeping active. Keeps the brain off the troubles. 
Labour Day weekend was nice. Got to see some out of town friends. I took a ton of pics of Sylas and Robert on Thursday…. still waiting for those so I can post them for Vicki and Tara to see. Hopefully Chris will get those to me ASAP.
~Squigzella
So I am in love. Truly madly deeply….with a fictional vampire named Edward Cullen.
Thanks to Tara for lending me the first book in the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer I found myself totally wrapped up in this story. I read it on Sunday, and finished the last 40 pages this morning before I got out of bed. It takes a lot for a book to suck me in like that (pardon the pun) and prevent me from putting it down. I am eagerly awaiting some cash flow so I can run right out and get New Moon. I don’t know if I can wait. I sense that my new obsession can only be paralleled to the relentless need to watch everything Buffy and Angel once I discovered their tragic love story. I remember ordering VHS tapes from Amazon to satiate my need to know what happened next. This being before I could scour the net to find episodes. I’ve always been like this….weak in the knees for the dark prince, the dashing and tormented leading man, be him a vampire, a bat man, or the illustriously dashing strong and silent Mark Darcy that Jane Austen made so famous! So my heart is a flutter waiting to see what happens next. If you liked Angel and Buffy’s story, then I am confident you will love with Twilight has to offer. I only hope the novels that follow do not disappoint!
And now back to your regularly scheduled Monday.
Icy cold X’s and O’s
~Squigzella
One thing I try to live by in my life is my gut feeling. Even when something might look good on paper, if you have a bad gut feeling about it I always try to follow it. This comes from recent experience.
I got a full time, well paying job! Actually I got two. The first job was with a large corporate giant, that I’m certain I would becoming just one of the many numbers that work for them. I’m certain they offer an excellent work environment where I can be a lemming until retirement. If I miss a step, it would likely go by unnoticed by the masses, and it would offer job security. The second job is with a smaller company, only 25 years old. They have an excellent reputation in the Maritimes, lots of incentives for fitness and education, a small work environment where my responsibility and accountability will be important and appreciated. The owner of the company will likely know me by name and meet me once a year if not more.
So I took the second job. It felt right so I made that choice. I do not start til September 2nd, so I’ll keep you posted on my guts actual instinct and let you know if it did in fact guide me in the right direction.
On top of that I did work one week with the other company before offering my resignation. I would not have been fully trained by the time I had to leave so we didn’t bother wasting each others time.
Our Yard Sale is finally a go for tomorrow. The weather is supposed to be nice and warm, lots of sun. I know the Dragon boat festival is going on in Renforth, I’m actually hoping that brings more folks out into the Valley. We’ll see. If we don’t have a good turn out, I am tempted to hit Rhodas for a few weeks and see what I can get rid of there before giving the rest to community living. There are a few clothing items I may post on Kijiji, as I know how well decent plus size clothing sells.
Something happened today that made my day….
I’m sure most would find it quite silly however a few years ago my late friend Rob Loder gave me a native choker he got from a vendor in Aroostook. I used to wear it when I played a Character named Dianas Vengence in the Old World of Darkness. I had thought I had lost it, or it had been ruined in the flood we had in our basement and it was lost forever. Today I found it… for a few brief moments I felt my friend near again. Just oddly gave me a sense of closure finding it. It was one of the few things he ever gave me and I just wanted to know where it had been. Miss him more and more as time goes on. But it was a happy thing, finding that choker. It made my day.
With these ramblings coming to a close I have to go to Mel’s house and prepare for her Birthday/Housewarming tonight. Not even sure who is showing up, just know we have enough food to feed an army! Good times.
X’s and O’s
~Squigzella
p.s.. I’m down 3 pounds!
Just taking a minute to write. Killing some time before work. This commute thing is for the birds. I may try to take the bus next week just to try it out. We’ll see. Started the new job yesterday. It was pretty standard first day stuff, today will be more of the same. Get into the grit tomorrow. I keep sitting there waiting for my phone to ring… but because I am waiting it won’t. We’ll see what today brings. I am hopeful. If it all happens the way I want it to, you’ll get the full scoop. Either way, I am super happy to be working, to soon have somewhat of an income and be able to pay some much overdue debts!
With that being said there are a few things that need done as well once I have some cash that I will take care of as soon as I have enough to do it. Just an over all relief.
Having a yard sale this Saturday. 9 til 2. If you wanna come and need the address just send me a comment or an email at squigzella@gmail.com.
That’s all for now,
X’s and O’s
~Squigzella
Friday night I stayed in, I planned on going to bed earlyish, ended up playing WoW til the wee hours. That being said I did get on the new Guild’s vent server and it was really nice to chat with some of them. They really sound like a great bunch of people.
We attempted to do the Deadmines, but it was late when we got started so we just played until we died. Either way it was fun.
Saturday was Jenn and Woody’s wedding. It was a beautiful ceremony. Her dress was sexy and the boys with their top hats and canes was just too kewl!!
The reception was at the Quispamsis Civic Centre and it was hot as hell! I thought for certain we all sweat off an easy 10 pounds of water. Craziness! It was a good time, the food was awesome, as was the company at our table. We actually had Rev Mercer sitting with us, as well as Adrian and his brother Dave…. what a comedic duo. We had lots of laughs. It was nice….
Here is a quote I am certain I will be told I am misquoting, but what I said WAS the funny part! 
Chris: You’d think God would want this church to have air conditioning.
Me: Nah, he wants us to sweat like Jesus did.
I’ll leave ya with that.
X’s and O’s
~Squigzella
I started up a Sparkpeople site along with Steve and Tara. I find it very interesting! Gonna see if I continue to enjoy it.
X’s and O’s TBC…
I have opened live writer a few times over the past week to do an update but I kept closing it. I have spent much of the time actually writing some fiction. Just didn’t feel like writing about real life I guess. So since I last updated we went to see the Buskers on the Boardwalk. Chris took alot of pics and has them posted for your viewing pleasure. It was a nice day, the rain held off and we had a great time! The week that followed was filled with job interviews. It is funny how there is this dead silence for weeks, or at least that’s how it felt, and boom call after call after call.
I went out for my interviews and hoped I had finally landed myself a job. Ironically I did, however the dream job called and wants me to go for a second interview. For a few days I was all "What to do? What to do?" then I decided I would take the offer I was made, but still meet with the GM for the dream job….but the more I think of this I wonder if I want the temptation of changing my mind. I do wonder if the money is competitive to the offer I am going to accept, I wonder if it would be worth NOT working uptown and having to drive west every day. So I’m still in debate with myself on if I should call the other company and tell them something else came along… Thoughts anyone?
So outside of that happy news (that I will be starting work on August 11th!) I reconnected with a very old friend. Norman was a good friend I had met though what was once called the Quispamsis Teen Committee. We were a committee comprised of local teens in place to keep the teens off the street and active in community centres and various other events throughout the valley. Anyhow we met there and remained close friends for a few years. He even took me to my Jr. Prom in the ugliest dress I had ever seen! I believe my mother also told me that night that I walked like and Ox in heels. Love ya Mom! Anyhow we managed to find each other on Facebook and have been talking since. It has been easily 10 years since we spoke and it’s very nice to just pick up where we left off. Very rare you can do that with someone. It’s a simple pleasure.
This past week Jared was up for a few days, we went to see Hellboy II which was visually stunning. The sub plot was a bit cheesy but overall it was an enjoyable flick. Thanks again Jared for takin this broad on a date! We also went to the Boardwalk on Wednesday night to check out Kassy Eatmon a friend of Dale’s from Sobey’s. She is performing in SJ Idol. She has made it through to another week and will be performing again tomorrow night. Unsure if a group is going to check it out or not. The weekend quickly approached. Friday night Barry, Gerry, Chris, Mel, Kyle, Robert, Tara and I all went to O’Leary’s and checked out Signal Hill. I go see them in Hali every chance I get an this was their first visit to the port city. They had a great turn out and put on excellent sets. I also enjoyed having drinks with my cousin and his girlfriend. Good times!
Sunday we went to see The Dark Knight. Again, great movie. NOT WORTH THE OSCAR HYPE! Heath Ledger was awesome as the Joker. Awesome enough to join the ranks of Kevin Spacey for Usual Suspects, Robin Williams for Good Will Hunting or even Christopher Walken for Deer Hunter? I am not so convinced. But we’ll see what happens come Oscar time. Personally I this is performance in Brokeback Mountain was much more worthy than his turn as the Joker. Lynch me if you will, just my opinion.
That brings us to this week. Prepping for the Yard Sale on August 16th, going to do some baking, have coffee with a few friends.
Lastly, last night I made Mayan Hot Chocolate. I had found a few recipes on the net for it and then took the best of what I found and added some of my own touches. Well…I think I’m onto something here. It was so rich and no other word but divine that I must get the chance to make this sampling for friends sooner than later! It was just plain awesome. It is said to help digestive functions, and heat up the libido! Anyhow, I plan on making some for friends sometime soon. If you are interested let me know, and we’ll do it when a group of us are together.
So for now, I’m done with the update. As soon as I get the proper cable for find a card reader I’ll have some new pics to post.
X’s and O’s
~Squigzella
Ξ July 23rd, 2008 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Life |
Ever feel like you aren’t living the life you were supposed to?
I feel like that every day lately….
It’s been about a week since I last updated I think. Not that this week was overly busy, however I did have job interviews. The hunt is in full force. I have another tomorrow. It has been a good week for reflection. Having quite literally not a cent to my name leaves me with lots of free time to do nothing but think. In this time I realized a few important things about myself. I also accepted that instead of getting frustrated that I can’t afford WW every other week right now, I am going to follow plan and do my best from home until I am working and can afford it. Period. It will be so much more worth it then, and so much less stress on my shoulders.
I spent some time reading Post Secret today. www.postsecret.com. Today’s secrets are up and one of them really hit me hard. I’m not going to get into it here, but I can’t help but wonder if one of those secrets belongs to someone in my life. I am drawn to it. Even if this person didn’t send in this secret, I strongly feel it represents them and that’s what was so powerful. Logically I know it isn’t their secret, but I take comfort in thinking it could be. I’m sure that sounds completely ridiculous to most, but being able to read some of these secrets and relating…it is quite powerful to read that someone else out there shares a secret with you. Makes the world seem less cold and less lonely.
I’ve also done some introspection on relationships and their functionality in my life. It seems that since my marriage I do nothing more than find defect in every lovely man that comes into my life. I compare them to this idealistic blueprint of what I want. Of course none of them come near to what I want, and in turn I end up shutting them out, shutting the relationship down and remain once more alone. I realize this fault. However at the same time I know matter of factly that I will not settle for something that I do not truly want completely. In the past every substantial relationship I have had was built off of common interest, my independence which somehow made me more attractive, and just sheer excitement and fun. I feel that I have lost sight of that woman because of things that have happened in recent years. I’ve been on a quest to find her now for more than a few months. I feel I have mostly discovered the root of my troubles, my personal obstacles as well as some external ones. I am resolved that over the course of the next month I will make the changes in my life to accommodate and achieve my own personal happiness and satisfaction. This may seem selfish, but it’s been a very long time since I really took into consideration what I needed over the needs of others. It is time to respect myself, and take action to put my life back in working order.
Wish me luck on my progress.
~Squigzella
I wanted to sit down and blog about facing the music. I thought it might be therapeutic on some level. I went to Weight Watchers this morning and I was up exactly three pounds! I was right on the money. I will admit I am very disappointed in myself for gaining those three pounds. I am also disappointed in myself that I can’t seem to get a grip on the trials and tribulations going on in my life. Sometimes I wonder if the problem really IS that I moved home. Had I been out having financial struggles maybe it would be as bad as dealing with some of the issues here. It’s frustrating. I think back to some advise that Clarkson gave me a few years ago about life in general. Basically there is a point when we stop parenting our parents. It’s tough love and we have to do it. There is also a time when you really have to stand back and look at your life and truly live it for yourself and even if it seems selfish for awhile, it’s what needs to be done.
I have taken a step back more than a few times and really done what needed to be done for me. However there always seems to be something else that comes along, I suspect there always will be. Anyhow I totally digressed.
So I was up three pounds. I have made it this far, and I realize that I still have over 40lbs off! I have to keep remembering that and just keep moving forward. There is no reason to fall back into old habits that I haven’t had for more than a year. As I sit back and watch one half of my friends maintain this healthy lifestyle, slim up or maintain slim, while the other half eat poorly, treat their bodies poorly and fill out clothing more than they used to… I have to remember what makes me happy, not what makes them happy. I do not want to be diabetic. I do not want to be winded (and I’m not currently) while running or even walking, I want to walk into any store in the mall and buy clothes (I can in most cases as long as the chest is roomy) and yeah, I want to wear a shirt tucked in and not have a muffin top peeking over the waistline…I am so close to ALL of these goals, if not reached so there is no point in letting all this hard work and life lessons go to waste. I just need to apply the lessons I’ve been taught with more frequently and not get caught up my one little bump in the road.
There are a great number of things going on around me currently that I have absolutely no control over. This is something I *DO* have control over, and need to focus on that. I can effect the results of this situation. In other situations I am powerless and depending on others to take care of themselves, make decisions, sink or swim. This is something *I* can make the choices, and I have and will continue to do so.
Now I am going to go meet some friends and enjoy some Sushi.
~X’s and O’s
~Squigzella
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