Random thoughts….
Ξ February 24th, 2008 | → 1 Comments | ∇ Uncategorized |
First off I am very happy for Steve and Tara and their new bundle of joy Robert. I can’t wait til they have him home and can start being a family. It’s that quote that made me analyze a few things about my life which I want to get off my chest below. But first a few other things to talk about.
I haven’t posted in a week or more and it’s honestly been because there have been days I wanted to rant about a few things going on in my life and I didn’t want to pollute this blog with much negativity so I stayed away. I’m not saying life is perfect now, just that my urges to rant and rave about certain things on a forum has passed.
So last weekends impromptu party here ended up being a blast. I can’t wait to hear Gerry sing again in my kitchen. 
This past week Greg celebrated meeting goal for WW and his Bday. His party was fantastic. Friday evening Hil, Chris W and I spent it cooking for the event. But not before I danced my way down an aisle at the grocery store to the song Fame that was playing over the PA. It was good for a laugh and took some of the stress away from our impending hours of kitchen slave labour.
Went to WW and was down just under a pound. I’ve been in the cycle where I can’t get over a hump. I’m determined to get over it within the next two weeks. It’s two freakin pounds. I know I can do it if I just focus!
Last night at G’s party I did buy a steak. The first steak I have had since last June. It was worth it, until it made me sick. Apparently medium rare meat in that high of a concentration isn’t agreeable to my stomach. So now I know, it wasn’t the green veggies I used to eat with steak that upset my tummy, it was the steak!
So anyhow, on to my being a family rant. This has everything to do with my family and nothing to do with me diggin on anyone elses just as a disclaimer. My parents rarely have a sense of family with me. Particularly more so since my grandfather died 5 years ago, but really they have always been like that and don’t even see they do it. Since I have moved into this apartment 2 years ago, my mother made her 3rd visit about 2 weeks ago… My father has been here once. My Nan would be here more often if she had a car. The only occasion we pretend to be a family is Christmas. Everyone visits we are all there and we paint on this picture that we are involved in each others lives. We aren’t. Sure we talk on the phone and gab about life but at the end of the day my parents have no idea who I am. I could ask them my favourite color, food, music and they wouldn’t have a clue. As them where I want to go, and what events have shaped my life… they would have no idea. They don’t know my dreams or fears. They have never asked, and I have tried to share and ask for more involvement in my life. They just don’t seem to have time for me. They seem really self involved.
My sense of family comes from two places. My Nan, who even though almost 70. She can still tell you every little nuance about me, what kind of person I am and totally understand me on the whole. While my grandfather was alive, they gave me a sense of family, always calling, involving me in their daily lives.
The other place it comes from is my network of friends. I do have some very great friends. I think I have become closer with a few over the past year or so, but they are my extended family. We feel welcome in each others homes, we know lots about each other and we are there for each other.
So at the end of the day sometimes I really resent my parents and am angry that I am an outsider in my own life, because it’s like they had me but just wanted to continue living the life they had. I just fit in when it was convenient. It really felt like that as a child, and as I get older, even more so. However, I accepted this about them a long time ago, but it doesn’t mean I like it or I don’t wish I could some how change it. But after many arguments it’s futile, and I can only hope it doesn’t take a tragedy to bring us closer together and that one day they’ll see that they’ve missed out on taking the time to know me and my life and that I have been right there waiting the whole time.
End Rant.
So those of you that have family be it a unit of friends and family combined. Be thankful. I am for mine even if we aren’t as close as I’d like us to be.
~Squigzella
