I have opened live writer a few times over the past week to do an update but I kept closing it. I have spent much of the time actually writing some fiction. Just didn’t feel like writing about real life I guess. So since I last updated we went to see the Buskers on the Boardwalk. Chris took alot of pics and has them posted for your viewing pleasure. It was a nice day, the rain held off and we had a great time! The week that followed was filled with job interviews. It is funny how there is this dead silence for weeks, or at least that’s how it felt, and boom call after call after call.
I went out for my interviews and hoped I had finally landed myself a job. Ironically I did, however the dream job called and wants me to go for a second interview. For a few days I was all "What to do? What to do?" then I decided I would take the offer I was made, but still meet with the GM for the dream job….but the more I think of this I wonder if I want the temptation of changing my mind. I do wonder if the money is competitive to the offer I am going to accept, I wonder if it would be worth NOT working uptown and having to drive west every day. So I’m still in debate with myself on if I should call the other company and tell them something else came along… Thoughts anyone?
So outside of that happy news (that I will be starting work on August 11th!) I reconnected with a very old friend. Norman was a good friend I had met though what was once called the Quispamsis Teen Committee. We were a committee comprised of local teens in place to keep the teens off the street and active in community centres and various other events throughout the valley. Anyhow we met there and remained close friends for a few years. He even took me to my Jr. Prom in the ugliest dress I had ever seen! I believe my mother also told me that night that I walked like and Ox in heels. Love ya Mom! Anyhow we managed to find each other on Facebook and have been talking since. It has been easily 10 years since we spoke and it’s very nice to just pick up where we left off. Very rare you can do that with someone. It’s a simple pleasure.
This past week Jared was up for a few days, we went to see Hellboy II which was visually stunning. The sub plot was a bit cheesy but overall it was an enjoyable flick. Thanks again Jared for takin this broad on a date! We also went to the Boardwalk on Wednesday night to check out Kassy Eatmon a friend of Dale’s from Sobey’s. She is performing in SJ Idol. She has made it through to another week and will be performing again tomorrow night. Unsure if a group is going to check it out or not. The weekend quickly approached. Friday night Barry, Gerry, Chris, Mel, Kyle, Robert, Tara and I all went to O’Leary’s and checked out Signal Hill. I go see them in Hali every chance I get an this was their first visit to the port city. They had a great turn out and put on excellent sets. I also enjoyed having drinks with my cousin and his girlfriend. Good times!
Sunday we went to see The Dark Knight. Again, great movie. NOT WORTH THE OSCAR HYPE! Heath Ledger was awesome as the Joker. Awesome enough to join the ranks of Kevin Spacey for Usual Suspects, Robin Williams for Good Will Hunting or even Christopher Walken for Deer Hunter? I am not so convinced. But we’ll see what happens come Oscar time. Personally I this is performance in Brokeback Mountain was much more worthy than his turn as the Joker. Lynch me if you will, just my opinion.
That brings us to this week. Prepping for the Yard Sale on August 16th, going to do some baking, have coffee with a few friends.
Lastly, last night I made Mayan Hot Chocolate. I had found a few recipes on the net for it and then took the best of what I found and added some of my own touches. Well…I think I’m onto something here. It was so rich and no other word but divine that I must get the chance to make this sampling for friends sooner than later! It was just plain awesome. It is said to help digestive functions, and heat up the libido! Anyhow, I plan on making some for friends sometime soon. If you are interested let me know, and we’ll do it when a group of us are together.
So for now, I’m done with the update. As soon as I get the proper cable for find a card reader I’ll have some new pics to post.
X’s and O’s
~Squigzella
Ξ July 23rd, 2008 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Life |
Ever feel like you aren’t living the life you were supposed to?
I feel like that every day lately….
It’s been about a week since I last updated I think. Not that this week was overly busy, however I did have job interviews. The hunt is in full force. I have another tomorrow. It has been a good week for reflection. Having quite literally not a cent to my name leaves me with lots of free time to do nothing but think. In this time I realized a few important things about myself. I also accepted that instead of getting frustrated that I can’t afford WW every other week right now, I am going to follow plan and do my best from home until I am working and can afford it. Period. It will be so much more worth it then, and so much less stress on my shoulders.
I spent some time reading Post Secret today. www.postsecret.com. Today’s secrets are up and one of them really hit me hard. I’m not going to get into it here, but I can’t help but wonder if one of those secrets belongs to someone in my life. I am drawn to it. Even if this person didn’t send in this secret, I strongly feel it represents them and that’s what was so powerful. Logically I know it isn’t their secret, but I take comfort in thinking it could be. I’m sure that sounds completely ridiculous to most, but being able to read some of these secrets and relating…it is quite powerful to read that someone else out there shares a secret with you. Makes the world seem less cold and less lonely.
I’ve also done some introspection on relationships and their functionality in my life. It seems that since my marriage I do nothing more than find defect in every lovely man that comes into my life. I compare them to this idealistic blueprint of what I want. Of course none of them come near to what I want, and in turn I end up shutting them out, shutting the relationship down and remain once more alone. I realize this fault. However at the same time I know matter of factly that I will not settle for something that I do not truly want completely. In the past every substantial relationship I have had was built off of common interest, my independence which somehow made me more attractive, and just sheer excitement and fun. I feel that I have lost sight of that woman because of things that have happened in recent years. I’ve been on a quest to find her now for more than a few months. I feel I have mostly discovered the root of my troubles, my personal obstacles as well as some external ones. I am resolved that over the course of the next month I will make the changes in my life to accommodate and achieve my own personal happiness and satisfaction. This may seem selfish, but it’s been a very long time since I really took into consideration what I needed over the needs of others. It is time to respect myself, and take action to put my life back in working order.
Wish me luck on my progress.
~Squigzella
I wanted to sit down and blog about facing the music. I thought it might be therapeutic on some level. I went to Weight Watchers this morning and I was up exactly three pounds! I was right on the money. I will admit I am very disappointed in myself for gaining those three pounds. I am also disappointed in myself that I can’t seem to get a grip on the trials and tribulations going on in my life. Sometimes I wonder if the problem really IS that I moved home. Had I been out having financial struggles maybe it would be as bad as dealing with some of the issues here. It’s frustrating. I think back to some advise that Clarkson gave me a few years ago about life in general. Basically there is a point when we stop parenting our parents. It’s tough love and we have to do it. There is also a time when you really have to stand back and look at your life and truly live it for yourself and even if it seems selfish for awhile, it’s what needs to be done.
I have taken a step back more than a few times and really done what needed to be done for me. However there always seems to be something else that comes along, I suspect there always will be. Anyhow I totally digressed.
So I was up three pounds. I have made it this far, and I realize that I still have over 40lbs off! I have to keep remembering that and just keep moving forward. There is no reason to fall back into old habits that I haven’t had for more than a year. As I sit back and watch one half of my friends maintain this healthy lifestyle, slim up or maintain slim, while the other half eat poorly, treat their bodies poorly and fill out clothing more than they used to… I have to remember what makes me happy, not what makes them happy. I do not want to be diabetic. I do not want to be winded (and I’m not currently) while running or even walking, I want to walk into any store in the mall and buy clothes (I can in most cases as long as the chest is roomy) and yeah, I want to wear a shirt tucked in and not have a muffin top peeking over the waistline…I am so close to ALL of these goals, if not reached so there is no point in letting all this hard work and life lessons go to waste. I just need to apply the lessons I’ve been taught with more frequently and not get caught up my one little bump in the road.
There are a great number of things going on around me currently that I have absolutely no control over. This is something I *DO* have control over, and need to focus on that. I can effect the results of this situation. In other situations I am powerless and depending on others to take care of themselves, make decisions, sink or swim. This is something *I* can make the choices, and I have and will continue to do so.
Now I am going to go meet some friends and enjoy some Sushi.
~X’s and O’s
~Squigzella
I won’t even try to lie about it…. I had a terrible week of eating. I am so stressed about money and some life matters that food was most definitely my friend. Mind you I didn’t sit down and pig out…I just made horrible choices which in the moment brought me comfort. By tomorrow on the scale likely brought me 3 pounds…
My prime example of one of my bad food days… it started off so innocent with a bowl of Fibre 1 cereal. Lunch was a small piece of salmon as it had to be cooked or go bad, along with cold carrots and cucumber. Good start right? For supper I decided I was going to indulge. I caved… I had to have it. I had a P’zone from Pizza Hut. Even though the damn advertising tells you 1 pound of cheesy goodness… I’ll be honest, it wasn’t a pound, it was rather hollow inside. Either way I ate it, it wasn’t as good as I remember and all those points were gone poof and no satisfaction! So if I had stopped there I would have been alright. I did drink over 2 litres of water that day. By later in the evening I ended up with a cold cut sandwich on white bread. I did only eat half of the maybe 8 inch bread. But I ate it at 10 at night! That is just one day.
Yesterday wasn’t terrible…I did stay within points, but I felt like I wanted to eat every temptation that came my way. In part I think not being able to go to the gym, not having any walking buddies within 20kms of where I life, along with all my other stresses right now is just overwhelming me. I do not want to give up, I do not want to fall back into old habits. This is something I really want, I am just having such a hard time overcoming some struggles…
So… I plan on going to WW tomorrow, taking the # that shows up on that scale and moving forward. I will be going to get my weeks groceries after the meeting and a walk in the park with G. Hopefully that will be enough to get me realigned. I have some more job interviews coming up and I know having a routine and an income will dramatically improve my performance as it will help eliminate stress. There are some other changes that need to take place sooner than later and the more time passes maybe I need to take the same approach with that situation as I did with my decision to lose weight. Make a plan, stick to it and move forward.
Time will tell.
Thanks for letting me get up on my soapbox today and unload some stress…
~Squigzella
OPRAH!
http://www2.oprah.com/health/webmd/200802/health_weight_overeat_b2.jhtml
Experts say there are things you can do to make yourself more likely to stop eating when you are comfortable. They include:
- Eating Slowly
This isn’t a new concept. Remember all those familiar dieting tips like "sip water between bites" and "chew thoroughly before swallowing"? These were all aimed at slowing us down when we eat. Research led by Mark Gold, MD, at the University of Florida at Gainesville has shown it takes 12 or more minutes for food satisfaction signals to reach the brain of a thin person, but 20 or more minutes for an obese person. Eating slowly ensures that these important messages have time to reach the brain.
- Being Aware
"Be more attentive about the whole eating experience; don’t eat when you are driving or at the computer," Bacon advises. When we’re distracted or hurried, the food—and calories—we eat tend not to register well in our brains. Jean Kristeller, PhD, a psychologist and Indiana State University researcher, suggests a brief premeal meditation to get centered before eating so you can more easily derive pleasure from your food, give the meal your full attention and notice when you’ve had enough.
- Make the First Bites Count
Bacon believes that maximum food enjoyment comes in the initial bites. "After a few bites, taste buds start to lose their sensitivity to the chemicals in food that make it taste good," she explains. Satisfying your taste buds by really savoring those first few bites may help you stop eating when you’re physically comfortable.
- Keep up appearances
Using a smaller plate and paying attention to the presentation of a meal can increase your awareness of the food in front of you and help you stop eating when you are comfortable. "The brain looks at the plate and decides if the portion is adequate," Gold says. "It takes some time, but the smaller the plate, the smaller the portion."
- Choose Satisfying Foods
Steer away from foods that give you a lot of calories for very little volume, such as milk shakes, cheese and chocolate, Gold recommends. The higher the fiber, protein and/or water content of a food or meal, the more likely it is to be satisfying in your stomach without going overboard on calories.
This past weekend was nice. Went away to a friend’s summer place and enjoyed a nice laid back weekend.
I managed to eat pretty well. Didn’t go all crazy and when I hopped on the scale when I got home I was pleasantly surprised. I am going to keep an eye on it this week and try to hit a personal goal I made. We’ll see.
I am working on a longer post, but just wanted to take a minute to say that the weekend was good, I really miss a dearly departed friend this week, and it makes me miss a good friend of mine in Ontario even more…
I’m hoping for a fun summer with friends. So far, so good.
X’s and O’s
~Squigzella
So Canada Day was lots of fun. I spent the day with Marilyn. She and I had a great time. We met up with my cousin and his gf and spent most of the morning and afternoon with them participating in the festivities uptown. After all of that fun was said and done we ventured out to the Valley and I hosted BBQ for a few friends. It was a nice small group and we had some good food and enjoyed each other’s company.
We did venture into the city to catch the fireworks, however they were cancelled. There is word they may be trying them again tonight. We’ll see what happens.
Overall it was a nice Canada Day. It was fun to spend it with Marilyn and friends. I hope everyone else enjoyed their day as much as I did.
X’s and O’s
~Squigzella
