It has been far too long since I updated. I have been fighting a cold for the past few days. It seems to have gotten to it’s worst here today, so I’m hoping tomorrow I’ll be feeling better.
I find myself lost in this very strange place lately. I’ve sort have been locked in my own prison of thoughts for awhile now trying to sort them out. Make it all make sense. For awhile I thought I needed some type of anti-depressant to help me figure things out. Then in a moment of weakness I cried, for the first time in a very long time and I admitted out loud in front of another human being what was eating me pretty much alive. What is strange is that build up of emotion, once released made a huge difference. It is still there, but is no longer governing everything else. Maybe to tell someone what I felt, and not have them rip into me for it is what I needed. I am not quite sure. All I know is I do not regret any decisions I have made, I regret that I did not take more time to see all the paths before me.
So all my ducks are lined in a row. Everything sorted out. Everything becoming clear. I’m slowly figuring out where I belong and where I do not. More and more lately as my career continues to be successful, other aspects of my life are slowly coming into order and into place. I have been my own worst enemy when it comes to finding a partner for this journey called life. I have had some excellent time for reflection… Change is coming…and it’s scary but also exciting.
Wow… that was all pretty deep. Let’s switch gears.
Work is going well. I’m busy all of the time. I will do my best not to say ALWAYS, because apparently that is a word along with NEVER that is used to frequently to make something more dramatic… and I am trying to stray from my Drama Queen ways. I’d like to pass the mantle on to someone else thanks..
Living at home has it’s ups and downs. I am looking forward to spending the Holiday with my family. It is something that was very special to us before Grampy passed 4 years ago. This year I vowed to myself to make it special again. Fill these halls with smiles, laughter and good times. I think I have my work cut out for me, however I am up to task.
I have maintained my weight. I have had other financial obligations that need straightened away before I can focus on the gym or weight watchers again. I’m hoping to be ready to commit back to it BEFORE the new years resolution rush.
14 Sleeps until we go see Twilight. I am SOOOO excited. I wish I had the first book here this weekend so I could re-read it. I may try to find an online copy just to get me all revved up for it again. Edward Cullen, I can’t wait to meet you… and your big brow on the big screen!
I have rambled on longer than I thought…but in the closing of this note for some reason some far away friends are in my thoughts today. Phil, Jody and Indi… all of you crossed my thoughts today. I hope life is well, and I cannot wait to see you all in a few short months!
X’s and O’s from the desk of a diva,
~Squigzella
I am just chillin at home on this rainy Saturday. Spending some quality time with the laptop. It’s been awhile since I just sat here and surfed the Internet reading random stuff and downloading music. I did these things when I was happy… music was a huge part of my life. I find myself listening to it more and more again. That must mean I’m happy. Strange how life goes in cycles. Took a long time to get here, but I think I’m finally out of that pit I fell into when I got divorced. I’m still paying for it financially, but emotionally I think I’m finally free of that cynicism that just overtook me for too damn long.
Work is going well. Keeping me very busy but my boss was right… when he hired me he told me that there would be days I’d leave frustrated and stressed, but loving it the whole time. He was absolutely right. There are days I just get grr, but I love what I’m doing, I enjoy the people I have to deal with. It’s good.
Been doing great with the gym. I started weights on my arms and legs. Arms so that I’ll be toned as I lose weight on them, and my legs so my hamstrings will be toned for longer runs. I started running this week, based on a simple starting strategy: Walk one minute, run one minute. I have found I can run for 7 out of 15 minutes of walking. So not nearly as terrible as I thought. I’m quite pleased.
I have been very tired lately, but I think it’s the change in season coming more than anything because typically the gym energizes me, and in a few short weeks I’ll feel that energy again as we get ready for Halloween, then Christmas!
I’ve been trying to keep up with US Campaigning. I will admit I find it so much more sensationalized than Canadian Politics. Perhaps that’s what makes us so “Canadian”. Our PM isn’t a celebrity. I don’t personally care for Harper, but I see him as much more of a person than a political celebrity. Obama on the other hand… I close my eyes and feel as though I’m listening to the Rock exercising his mic skills on Monday Night Raw… getting the audience riled up about his opponent in the next pay per view, John McCain!
But there is something inspirational about Obama’s mic skills. He has a warm, charismatic voice. McCain is old…and old school, with a flighty Palin as his backup. The chances of this woman becoming President because McCain will not live throughout his term is HIGHLY probably, and very frightening. If the Americans wanted a woman in office, they would have nominated Mrs Bill Clinton…
I find myself laughing now… as I really have nothing to say on the impending Canadian Federal Election… It’s about tax dollars and cowboy hats. Maybe Harper needs to have an affair, or Dion needs to get caught smoking pot before I’ll be interested… or maybe it’s just that the media has desensitized us to fact and legislation and made politics about, sex, drugs and scandal?
Well that went on longer than I thought it would. Just random thoughts from a random mind today.
X’s and O’s
~Squigzella
Good evening masses… ok I’d wager there aren’t masses who read my blog, heck people don’t even comment anymore… but that’s ok. That’s not really what this space is for. It’s just my little soap box and that’s just fine. So where to start..
I am back at the gym, and I went back to Weight Watchers on Saturday. I couldn’t go to the meeting because I got asked to help my Nan out with something and she had already made an appointment so it left me with little options, however I will be there for the meeting next Saturday. It was good to run into Judy…I can’t explain Judy, but seeing her always inspires me. So it was just good to see her smiling face when I got there Saturday morning.
Felt good to be back and know I only gained 4 pounds since July when I was last there. I had really gained more, but I over the past few weeks I started minding what I ate and shed the extra I did gain before going back. So at least I know I can do it right? Well I know I can do it. I made it this far. With going back to WW, I am also back at the gym. My first day back I run into an ex… too funny. Anyhow it seems we are both going to the same gym around the same time each day. At least I’ll have someone I can stop and gab with on occasion. Always makes the gym time pass faster.
Work is going well. Very busy and there just doesn’t seem to be enough time in my days but I haven’t drowned in my own paperwork yet.
Tuesday night we are off to Moncton to watch the Bruins play the Islanders in an exhibition game as part of Chris’s Bday festivities. I’m very excited. Hopefully we will see Lucic, Chara and maybe even Timmy Thomas… a girl can dream alright!
Last night about 20 of us went to Vito’s for Steve’s birthday, then we went back to his and Tara’s place for a few drinks. I wasn’t much in a drinking mood, so I just sat back and enjoyed the conversation. I wasn’t in a social mood most of my day and being around people was alright but sadly I wasn’t in the frame of mind to be my fun partying self. Nothing is particularly wrong, but yesterday I was very angry with someone for not minding their own business… and I let it get to me. But as things would have it, I found out that the very thing they interfered in my life for they are doing themselves… so the lesson… People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. That being said, I’m the better person and am going to mind my business. 
Either way, it made me a bit grr last night so I thought mixing rum with that would be a not so good idea. I do hope that Steve had a great birthday, and the cake Hil made was fantastic.
With that being said, I am off to play some World of Warcraft, it’s been two weeks!
X’s and O’s
~Squigzella
So I am in love. Truly madly deeply….with a fictional vampire named Edward Cullen.
Thanks to Tara for lending me the first book in the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer I found myself totally wrapped up in this story. I read it on Sunday, and finished the last 40 pages this morning before I got out of bed. It takes a lot for a book to suck me in like that (pardon the pun) and prevent me from putting it down. I am eagerly awaiting some cash flow so I can run right out and get New Moon. I don’t know if I can wait. I sense that my new obsession can only be paralleled to the relentless need to watch everything Buffy and Angel once I discovered their tragic love story. I remember ordering VHS tapes from Amazon to satiate my need to know what happened next. This being before I could scour the net to find episodes. I’ve always been like this….weak in the knees for the dark prince, the dashing and tormented leading man, be him a vampire, a bat man, or the illustriously dashing strong and silent Mark Darcy that Jane Austen made so famous! So my heart is a flutter waiting to see what happens next. If you liked Angel and Buffy’s story, then I am confident you will love with Twilight has to offer. I only hope the novels that follow do not disappoint!
And now back to your regularly scheduled Monday.
Icy cold X’s and O’s
~Squigzella
One thing I try to live by in my life is my gut feeling. Even when something might look good on paper, if you have a bad gut feeling about it I always try to follow it. This comes from recent experience.
I got a full time, well paying job! Actually I got two. The first job was with a large corporate giant, that I’m certain I would becoming just one of the many numbers that work for them. I’m certain they offer an excellent work environment where I can be a lemming until retirement. If I miss a step, it would likely go by unnoticed by the masses, and it would offer job security. The second job is with a smaller company, only 25 years old. They have an excellent reputation in the Maritimes, lots of incentives for fitness and education, a small work environment where my responsibility and accountability will be important and appreciated. The owner of the company will likely know me by name and meet me once a year if not more.
So I took the second job. It felt right so I made that choice. I do not start til September 2nd, so I’ll keep you posted on my guts actual instinct and let you know if it did in fact guide me in the right direction.
On top of that I did work one week with the other company before offering my resignation. I would not have been fully trained by the time I had to leave so we didn’t bother wasting each others time.
Our Yard Sale is finally a go for tomorrow. The weather is supposed to be nice and warm, lots of sun. I know the Dragon boat festival is going on in Renforth, I’m actually hoping that brings more folks out into the Valley. We’ll see. If we don’t have a good turn out, I am tempted to hit Rhodas for a few weeks and see what I can get rid of there before giving the rest to community living. There are a few clothing items I may post on Kijiji, as I know how well decent plus size clothing sells.
Something happened today that made my day….
I’m sure most would find it quite silly however a few years ago my late friend Rob Loder gave me a native choker he got from a vendor in Aroostook. I used to wear it when I played a Character named Dianas Vengence in the Old World of Darkness. I had thought I had lost it, or it had been ruined in the flood we had in our basement and it was lost forever. Today I found it… for a few brief moments I felt my friend near again. Just oddly gave me a sense of closure finding it. It was one of the few things he ever gave me and I just wanted to know where it had been. Miss him more and more as time goes on. But it was a happy thing, finding that choker. It made my day.
With these ramblings coming to a close I have to go to Mel’s house and prepare for her Birthday/Housewarming tonight. Not even sure who is showing up, just know we have enough food to feed an army! Good times.
X’s and O’s
~Squigzella
p.s.. I’m down 3 pounds!
Just taking a minute to write. Killing some time before work. This commute thing is for the birds. I may try to take the bus next week just to try it out. We’ll see. Started the new job yesterday. It was pretty standard first day stuff, today will be more of the same. Get into the grit tomorrow. I keep sitting there waiting for my phone to ring… but because I am waiting it won’t. We’ll see what today brings. I am hopeful. If it all happens the way I want it to, you’ll get the full scoop. Either way, I am super happy to be working, to soon have somewhat of an income and be able to pay some much overdue debts!
With that being said there are a few things that need done as well once I have some cash that I will take care of as soon as I have enough to do it. Just an over all relief.
Having a yard sale this Saturday. 9 til 2. If you wanna come and need the address just send me a comment or an email at squigzella@gmail.com.
That’s all for now,
X’s and O’s
~Squigzella
Friday night I stayed in, I planned on going to bed earlyish, ended up playing WoW til the wee hours. That being said I did get on the new Guild’s vent server and it was really nice to chat with some of them. They really sound like a great bunch of people.
We attempted to do the Deadmines, but it was late when we got started so we just played until we died. Either way it was fun.
Saturday was Jenn and Woody’s wedding. It was a beautiful ceremony. Her dress was sexy and the boys with their top hats and canes was just too kewl!!
The reception was at the Quispamsis Civic Centre and it was hot as hell! I thought for certain we all sweat off an easy 10 pounds of water. Craziness! It was a good time, the food was awesome, as was the company at our table. We actually had Rev Mercer sitting with us, as well as Adrian and his brother Dave…. what a comedic duo. We had lots of laughs. It was nice….
Here is a quote I am certain I will be told I am misquoting, but what I said WAS the funny part! 
Chris: You’d think God would want this church to have air conditioning.
Me: Nah, he wants us to sweat like Jesus did.
I’ll leave ya with that.
X’s and O’s
~Squigzella
It went by too fast. But I guess Tuesday makes it a semi long weekend now doesn’t it?
Friday night I joined G at his place for Caribbean Chicken. Oh my gosh it was delicious! Then we picked up Mel, and Chris W from work and headed to Akhord for Improvisation Corporation’s summer Improv. I must say I was quite entertained. I indulged in a delightful Whiskey Sour and laughed my ass off. Kudo’s to Scott and the gang for putting on a great show!
Saturday morning I was up and at’em early. Went to the early WW meeting. I am down again this week. Wheeee… now if I can keep in this pattern I’ll be a happy girl. After that I headed to Cora’s with G for some breakfast then off to Old Navy for gifties for the Jack & Jill party last eve.
Again pleasantly surprised to meet some very nice people at Pat and Anita’s party. Lots of interesting conversation and in fact lots of laughter. Very nice to meet some new folks and spend some time with friends I don’t see often enough.
Sunday (today) was spent watching some more of The Office I downloaded. Went to Kredel’s with Chris and Hil and stopped in to visit with them for a bit after we got back from Hampton. Honestly I just wasn’t in a mood to be around people so I opted to come home and spend some time with the cat in an empty house. It was nice. I got a copy of The Prestige and am going to sit down to watch it after I post this entry.
The week ahead will be busy with Canada Day on Tuesday, I’m going to check out the Flea Market, then come home and host a BBQ for some friends. Then on the weekend I am going up country for the weekend camping. I can’t wait! The following weekend, July 12th will be the Yard Sale. I have alot of labelling and sorting to do before then. I hope to get a large chunk of that done this week.
That’s about it for excitement from my corner of the world. I promise it will be more exciting soon…. Promise..
X’s and O’s
~Squigzella
Sunday we went to Moncton to visit Mike and Cole. It was a nice visit. We went for a picnic at the Exhibition Grounds. Nicole made us a wonderful lunch and it was a beautiful day for it.
Monday I wrote my SLE (Second Language Evaluation) for the Government. I have no idea how I did on the test so we’ll see when the results come in. I can only cross my fingers and hope for the best. It was very stressful, I was very stressed out about it, but was also very happy when it was over. I spent the evening shopping with Gerry. He got some new stuff from Sports Check. I priced a few things I want.
Tuesday night I came in to the city to spend some time at Geek night with peeps. There weren’t many there. Starting to wonder if it is dying out or it’s just summer. Either way, it was still nice to see Tara, Hil, Andrew, Barry and Pete.
Yesterday I got groceries and cooked a wonderful supper even though I felt quite miserable. Most of my day was spent doing a few things for the yard sale and laying low. I did get out in the sun for awhile but it was just too bloody hot to stay out for too long.
Now to Today. I was supposed to take Gerry to his drivers test this morning, however he thought it was today when it was actually Tuesday…Get that boy a calendar. So my plans for today are shot, since there was no drivers test to be taken Gerry made other plans. I was a little more than disappointed but sometimes men really don’t have a clue so sometimes we need to forgive them for their lack of thoughtfulness.
Tomorrow night I’m catching Improv with G, and Saturday evening I have a Jack & Jill party to attend. Shaping up to be busy. However there are absolutely no plans for Canada Day… go figure. Sort of disappointed, but I’m sure I can come up with something.
That’s all from my corner of the world.
X’s and O’s
~Squigzella
Those of you who got the invite for the AFI 100 project know what that link is for to the left. If any of my other readers are interested in this feel free to send me a note via the site or on Facebook and I’ll send you an invite to our group! If you are just interested in the AFI top 100 movies they are also listed under that link to the left.
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