I am so frustrated…
I don’t know where to begin here. I want a few things in my life that are just outside my grasp. Suddenly I feel closer to them and then just as quickly something comes along to remind me I’m not as close to it as I thought.
An example of this… I REALLY want to be back at WW. But Christmas is coming, I have to put snow tires on my car and that leaves me with no start up cash to rejoin. Really frustrates me because I’m trying on my own. I did actually lose 2.2 pounds this week. FINALLY! However I know I need that support network and yet it is outside my grasp.
Maybe I just hate how my life right now is all about how much money I don’t have. Mind you I keep telling myself in a few months it won’t be like that. Tires will be on the car, Christmas will be over. I’ll be saving for Toronto, and a couch set and before you know it I’ll have some savings and be moving back into the city. I know it’s not that far off. Just feels that way right now. I just need to get through it. I know that. It’s just difficult and frustrating.
Outside of these issues, work is going well. We have a bit of stress right now because we have to change a few processes to fine tune things, however I think it is within our grasp. Just need to buckle down and I think if everyone does, and we all share the same vision we’ll do alright.
As for actual Christmas…I am working on prezzies today. I’m excited about them, I can only hope they turn out the way I want. It will be an inexpensive yet thoughtful way to spread the holiday cheer. I am buying for a few people I didn’t last year, but there are also a few I am not buying for so I think it balances out.
So I have to get to work on that today as I have to mail out a friends box of stuff soon. So I need to make sure everything is ready to go in it! before this coming Friday.
Been a good week. Weather has been mild but wet for what seems like forever. I oddly feel like we have switched coasts of Canada and someone forgot to mention it to me. I had hoped to go out today to run downtown to do a few errands but I hear parts of the Valley are without power and it is just plain icky out.
So today will be spent working on Christmas Cards and Crafts. Not such a bad idea.
I have my lists made of who I need to buy for. I have a good idea for everyone, so it shouldn’t be too difficult this year. That being said I have some personal expenses I need to take care of first which could cause me some issues, but I am going to try to figure it out. Licensing of car, renewal of insurance… all a pain in my butt, because I also need WINTER TIRES! Which I still don’t have. *cries*
That is stressing me out just a little bit.
Went to see The Spencers at the Imperial on Thursday. Hil scored us some tickets from work. It was a traditional magic show. It was kewl. I don’t know if I would have paid for tickets, but it was entertaining.
Going to see Chicago this upcoming weekend. Can’t wait! Think it is going to be pretty awesome. Friday night is TWILIGHT! 5 Sleeps!
Spent the day shopping with Gerry yesterday. He got new shoes. I got new undies which were much needed. Started back on completely counting points today. Going to see how it goes.
Sunday Points eaten and planned:
Bacon (4)
Eggs (4)
WW Toast (3)
3 Cookies (3)
Ham (3)
Beans(4)
2 Plums (2)
1/2 Pom (1)
Total: 24 Balance : 6
Send me your supportive vibes. I need’ em. Even though I haven’t gained, I finally don’t feel like I’ve lost anything at all because I have stayed the same size too long… LOL so it’s time to get down a jean size. It’s overdue!
~squigzella
Good evening masses… ok I’d wager there aren’t masses who read my blog, heck people don’t even comment anymore… but that’s ok. That’s not really what this space is for. It’s just my little soap box and that’s just fine. So where to start..
I am back at the gym, and I went back to Weight Watchers on Saturday. I couldn’t go to the meeting because I got asked to help my Nan out with something and she had already made an appointment so it left me with little options, however I will be there for the meeting next Saturday. It was good to run into Judy…I can’t explain Judy, but seeing her always inspires me. So it was just good to see her smiling face when I got there Saturday morning.
Felt good to be back and know I only gained 4 pounds since July when I was last there. I had really gained more, but I over the past few weeks I started minding what I ate and shed the extra I did gain before going back. So at least I know I can do it right? Well I know I can do it. I made it this far. With going back to WW, I am also back at the gym. My first day back I run into an ex… too funny. Anyhow it seems we are both going to the same gym around the same time each day. At least I’ll have someone I can stop and gab with on occasion. Always makes the gym time pass faster.
Work is going well. Very busy and there just doesn’t seem to be enough time in my days but I haven’t drowned in my own paperwork yet.
Tuesday night we are off to Moncton to watch the Bruins play the Islanders in an exhibition game as part of Chris’s Bday festivities. I’m very excited. Hopefully we will see Lucic, Chara and maybe even Timmy Thomas… a girl can dream alright!
Last night about 20 of us went to Vito’s for Steve’s birthday, then we went back to his and Tara’s place for a few drinks. I wasn’t much in a drinking mood, so I just sat back and enjoyed the conversation. I wasn’t in a social mood most of my day and being around people was alright but sadly I wasn’t in the frame of mind to be my fun partying self. Nothing is particularly wrong, but yesterday I was very angry with someone for not minding their own business… and I let it get to me. But as things would have it, I found out that the very thing they interfered in my life for they are doing themselves… so the lesson… People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. That being said, I’m the better person and am going to mind my business. 
Either way, it made me a bit grr last night so I thought mixing rum with that would be a not so good idea. I do hope that Steve had a great birthday, and the cake Hil made was fantastic.
With that being said, I am off to play some World of Warcraft, it’s been two weeks!
X’s and O’s
~Squigzella
I started a new job this week to my great pleasure. Very happy with it so far. Lots of opportunity for growth and potential to really make my job what I want it to be. One of the few things that is going right these days.
I’ve had a few messages sent to me about my facebook status. I’m fine. Nothing I won’t live through. Just some hard choices made. I realized that I only have to answer to myself, and in doing that I know I’ll have peace of mind in my decisions and in my future. This job enables me to gain the stability I need in my life again. It will help me get back on my feet as well as help build a life..
I will be back at Weight Watchers around Sept 21st or something like that… and back to the gym at the end of September. Looking forward to both. Going to start walking the nature park after work next week. Filling up my calendar and keeping active. Keeps the brain off the troubles. 
Labour Day weekend was nice. Got to see some out of town friends. I took a ton of pics of Sylas and Robert on Thursday…. still waiting for those so I can post them for Vicki and Tara to see. Hopefully Chris will get those to me ASAP.
~Squigzella
I wanted to sit down and blog about facing the music. I thought it might be therapeutic on some level. I went to Weight Watchers this morning and I was up exactly three pounds! I was right on the money. I will admit I am very disappointed in myself for gaining those three pounds. I am also disappointed in myself that I can’t seem to get a grip on the trials and tribulations going on in my life. Sometimes I wonder if the problem really IS that I moved home. Had I been out having financial struggles maybe it would be as bad as dealing with some of the issues here. It’s frustrating. I think back to some advise that Clarkson gave me a few years ago about life in general. Basically there is a point when we stop parenting our parents. It’s tough love and we have to do it. There is also a time when you really have to stand back and look at your life and truly live it for yourself and even if it seems selfish for awhile, it’s what needs to be done.
I have taken a step back more than a few times and really done what needed to be done for me. However there always seems to be something else that comes along, I suspect there always will be. Anyhow I totally digressed.
So I was up three pounds. I have made it this far, and I realize that I still have over 40lbs off! I have to keep remembering that and just keep moving forward. There is no reason to fall back into old habits that I haven’t had for more than a year. As I sit back and watch one half of my friends maintain this healthy lifestyle, slim up or maintain slim, while the other half eat poorly, treat their bodies poorly and fill out clothing more than they used to… I have to remember what makes me happy, not what makes them happy. I do not want to be diabetic. I do not want to be winded (and I’m not currently) while running or even walking, I want to walk into any store in the mall and buy clothes (I can in most cases as long as the chest is roomy) and yeah, I want to wear a shirt tucked in and not have a muffin top peeking over the waistline…I am so close to ALL of these goals, if not reached so there is no point in letting all this hard work and life lessons go to waste. I just need to apply the lessons I’ve been taught with more frequently and not get caught up my one little bump in the road.
There are a great number of things going on around me currently that I have absolutely no control over. This is something I *DO* have control over, and need to focus on that. I can effect the results of this situation. In other situations I am powerless and depending on others to take care of themselves, make decisions, sink or swim. This is something *I* can make the choices, and I have and will continue to do so.
Now I am going to go meet some friends and enjoy some Sushi.
~X’s and O’s
~Squigzella
I won’t even try to lie about it…. I had a terrible week of eating. I am so stressed about money and some life matters that food was most definitely my friend. Mind you I didn’t sit down and pig out…I just made horrible choices which in the moment brought me comfort. By tomorrow on the scale likely brought me 3 pounds…
My prime example of one of my bad food days… it started off so innocent with a bowl of Fibre 1 cereal. Lunch was a small piece of salmon as it had to be cooked or go bad, along with cold carrots and cucumber. Good start right? For supper I decided I was going to indulge. I caved… I had to have it. I had a P’zone from Pizza Hut. Even though the damn advertising tells you 1 pound of cheesy goodness… I’ll be honest, it wasn’t a pound, it was rather hollow inside. Either way I ate it, it wasn’t as good as I remember and all those points were gone poof and no satisfaction! So if I had stopped there I would have been alright. I did drink over 2 litres of water that day. By later in the evening I ended up with a cold cut sandwich on white bread. I did only eat half of the maybe 8 inch bread. But I ate it at 10 at night! That is just one day.
Yesterday wasn’t terrible…I did stay within points, but I felt like I wanted to eat every temptation that came my way. In part I think not being able to go to the gym, not having any walking buddies within 20kms of where I life, along with all my other stresses right now is just overwhelming me. I do not want to give up, I do not want to fall back into old habits. This is something I really want, I am just having such a hard time overcoming some struggles…
So… I plan on going to WW tomorrow, taking the # that shows up on that scale and moving forward. I will be going to get my weeks groceries after the meeting and a walk in the park with G. Hopefully that will be enough to get me realigned. I have some more job interviews coming up and I know having a routine and an income will dramatically improve my performance as it will help eliminate stress. There are some other changes that need to take place sooner than later and the more time passes maybe I need to take the same approach with that situation as I did with my decision to lose weight. Make a plan, stick to it and move forward.
Time will tell.
Thanks for letting me get up on my soapbox today and unload some stress…
~Squigzella
OPRAH!
http://www2.oprah.com/health/webmd/200802/health_weight_overeat_b2.jhtml
Experts say there are things you can do to make yourself more likely to stop eating when you are comfortable. They include:
- Eating Slowly
This isn’t a new concept. Remember all those familiar dieting tips like "sip water between bites" and "chew thoroughly before swallowing"? These were all aimed at slowing us down when we eat. Research led by Mark Gold, MD, at the University of Florida at Gainesville has shown it takes 12 or more minutes for food satisfaction signals to reach the brain of a thin person, but 20 or more minutes for an obese person. Eating slowly ensures that these important messages have time to reach the brain.
- Being Aware
"Be more attentive about the whole eating experience; don’t eat when you are driving or at the computer," Bacon advises. When we’re distracted or hurried, the food—and calories—we eat tend not to register well in our brains. Jean Kristeller, PhD, a psychologist and Indiana State University researcher, suggests a brief premeal meditation to get centered before eating so you can more easily derive pleasure from your food, give the meal your full attention and notice when you’ve had enough.
- Make the First Bites Count
Bacon believes that maximum food enjoyment comes in the initial bites. "After a few bites, taste buds start to lose their sensitivity to the chemicals in food that make it taste good," she explains. Satisfying your taste buds by really savoring those first few bites may help you stop eating when you’re physically comfortable.
- Keep up appearances
Using a smaller plate and paying attention to the presentation of a meal can increase your awareness of the food in front of you and help you stop eating when you are comfortable. "The brain looks at the plate and decides if the portion is adequate," Gold says. "It takes some time, but the smaller the plate, the smaller the portion."
- Choose Satisfying Foods
Steer away from foods that give you a lot of calories for very little volume, such as milk shakes, cheese and chocolate, Gold recommends. The higher the fiber, protein and/or water content of a food or meal, the more likely it is to be satisfying in your stomach without going overboard on calories.
It went by too fast. But I guess Tuesday makes it a semi long weekend now doesn’t it?
Friday night I joined G at his place for Caribbean Chicken. Oh my gosh it was delicious! Then we picked up Mel, and Chris W from work and headed to Akhord for Improvisation Corporation’s summer Improv. I must say I was quite entertained. I indulged in a delightful Whiskey Sour and laughed my ass off. Kudo’s to Scott and the gang for putting on a great show!
Saturday morning I was up and at’em early. Went to the early WW meeting. I am down again this week. Wheeee… now if I can keep in this pattern I’ll be a happy girl. After that I headed to Cora’s with G for some breakfast then off to Old Navy for gifties for the Jack & Jill party last eve.
Again pleasantly surprised to meet some very nice people at Pat and Anita’s party. Lots of interesting conversation and in fact lots of laughter. Very nice to meet some new folks and spend some time with friends I don’t see often enough.
Sunday (today) was spent watching some more of The Office I downloaded. Went to Kredel’s with Chris and Hil and stopped in to visit with them for a bit after we got back from Hampton. Honestly I just wasn’t in a mood to be around people so I opted to come home and spend some time with the cat in an empty house. It was nice. I got a copy of The Prestige and am going to sit down to watch it after I post this entry.
The week ahead will be busy with Canada Day on Tuesday, I’m going to check out the Flea Market, then come home and host a BBQ for some friends. Then on the weekend I am going up country for the weekend camping. I can’t wait! The following weekend, July 12th will be the Yard Sale. I have alot of labelling and sorting to do before then. I hope to get a large chunk of that done this week.
That’s about it for excitement from my corner of the world. I promise it will be more exciting soon…. Promise..
X’s and O’s
~Squigzella
God bless Kid Rock… he has blessed us with yet another catchy tune!! The track is titled All Summer Long. I highly recommend adding it to your summer play list.
So I am beyond exhausted. I have been up for exactly 20 hours. I have a million and one things on my brain. I spent the evening at Chris’s playing Rockband, then went over to visit Mel for awhile. I just got home not too long ago. Witnessed an accident on the way home, some drunken punk went off the off ramp and flipped his car. *shakes head* When will people learn not to drink and drive.
Went to WW this morning. I was up exactly one pound. Not the end of the world. I consumed a ton of water yesterday, so I sort of expected it.
Today was Nan’s Tea, and it was delightful! It was really nice to see family we don’t see often, hear a few stories and such. I took some pics. I am going to post an album. Again much thanks to Chris for the lending of the SUPER Canon!
I will post a family album in the next few days. In the mean time, here are two of my more artsy shots that really have nothing to do with the family.
*If you look closely at the second picture, you can see my Nan on the other side of the glass.
Update 9:58pm: New Theme. Still working out the kinks. Hang in there.
So summer has finally arrived! It was 32 degrees in the Ken Val today… INSANE! However it was nice, and welcomed. Ask me that nearing the end of August. This weekend was quite awesome. Friday night we went to a Longhorns Seawolves football game over in Milledgeville. It was pretty chilly, but we stuck around til the 3rd quarter. Then we headed our separate ways. Saturday morning I went to WW where both Juls and I had successful weeks. I am pleased to report I lost 3.6 pounds after my first week back at meetings. I was very proud of Juls as well for her awesome week 1 loss!
The remainder of the day was spent running some errands with Gerry in the morning, then Sex in the City with Anita in the afternoon. Well I must say, it wasn’t on the top of my must see list, but I did want to see it. It was a great chick flick. I enjoyed all the jokes, all the little touching moments. Yeah I too can be a girly girl. Thanks again to Anita for taking me out for a belated Bday movie! It was so worth it.
Saturday evening we went bowling, where I bowled a 91 for two of the three strings which again I thought was pretty darn cool. Then we went back to Chris and Dale’s place and indulged in some much needed drinks, rockband and laughter. Well.. needless to say it’s the best time I’ve had in awhile. I think even if the night didn’t end the best for Barry… I think he had an awesome time too!
Sunday was spent recovering after a greasy omelette from Reggie’s. But nothing else was gonna take the drinking rumbles out of my tummy!
That brings us to Monday.. which low and behold is today. Spent some time geeking out with friends this morning, and this evening I made up the last of the cookie dough I had made last Thursday. Going to put the cookies aside for the tea this weekend. Nanny is going to be 70 on Thursday. We are having a tea for her on Saturday afternoon. I need to be super tight with the eating this week so that on Saturday AFTER weigh in I can indulge a bit. I won’t lie, I cannot resist her Chocolate Cake with Boiled icing… which she is making for her own party mind you… but I still want a piece. *evil grin*
So onward to the crazy week of baking, inhaling the sweet smell of goodies, and eating fruit, carrot sticks or drinking water to fend of the sweet munchies.
Oh and as a note, I saw Shelly and Margaret on Saturday at Cora’s when I was there with Gerry. They both look fabulous. Keep up the good work ladies!
X’s and O’s
~Squigzella
p.s. You are require to pay full price for half orders at Cora’s. 
