Wasn’t an awesome food week, but wasn’t terrible. Was down .4 which really is something. Trying to stay focused with all the stress. Work is about to explode with insanity in the next few weeks. I’m trying to keep things organized. This week that will include cleaning out my file drawer. I HATE filing, but it needs done desperately and cleaning up that area will clean up my mind.

Went to Micheal’s today and picked up $495 worth of foliage for $46 bucks! Yay CAiNE props! Also started working on the center pieces for OWoD. Just need to track down my glue gun to make real progress.

Back to your regularly scheduled life.

~Squigzella

Mood: Obsessive.

So it’s day three of tracking. Doing well. Today I hit my mark on points even. Because I wanted to indulge a wee bit.

I made Julia’s Chocolate Mousse! It was amazing. Starting to think it all is going to be delicious! How did her husband live to such an old age eating so much butter?!

Not much to complain about. Got some news about my Dad’s health that has me concerned. If all goes well he’ll be fine. He has about 5 more of his 9 lives left. So I just have to keep that in mind.

Got some work done on CAINE stuff this week. May do some more tonight.

Really need some new music on my playlist. Totally open to new bands or suggestions. I’ve worn out Mumford and Sons along with Adele and James Butler Trio.

Now to post some long overdue photos!

Photos: L-R : Robert picking his pumpkin, Thanksgiving Table, Dad

Kaylee Monster, My Tree 2011, Javier the Christmas Flamingo Escaping

Javier the Christmas Flamingo COOKED!

It was a year of ups and downs that is for certain. I struggled with my weight and maintained, I started forging a plan to either rent or buy a townhouse. I bought some furniture for this future home. I did a bit of self discovery. I made some changes in how I treat people and who I have in my life. I learned the value of family, even when they drive you crazy. I have my Nan with me for another year. She beat cancer!

2012

This year has started off better than the years before it. There are some personal things going on that are simply wonderful. I know there will be challenges along the way, but I couldn’t have asked for more. Like a good friend I am going to make some commitments to myself this year.

The year I turn 34…

I will blog at LEAST once a week.

I will maintain my weight, if not lose a bit more, reaching one small weight goal at a time.

I will stay in touch with my friends far away, and build on the new friendships I have made.

I will give my all in March for CAINE 2012, and be thankful for everyone’s efforts, big or small.

I endeavor to treat others as I would like to be treated no matter how much it pains me to do so. This is a learning experience.

I will continue to write, and this year I will work on publishing my works on their own website.

I will cook from my Mastering the Art of French Cooking Cookbook at least twice a month.

All in all, not a bad list.

I look forward to my birthday this year, and spending it with friends and loved ones. I look forward to March and seeing friends who I haven’t seen in a year or more.

I look forward to traveling to Ottawa in April and St. Louis in the summer.

Bring it on 2012.

I’m ready for you.

X’s and O’s

~Squigzella

Recently in a conversation with a good friend they pointed out my constant quips about my body image. This is interesting for a few reasons.

Before I lost ANY weight, I had no negative issues with my self image. I loved me for me, and the reason I started watching what I ate more closely 4 years ago was my fear of diabetes which runs in my family.

Recently I’ve been at a stand still, but I have also wanted to just eat what I want. I am totally awestruck that I don’t have to buy plus size clothes anymore. I can find clothes to fit my body at Old Navy (Size 14-16 even) and at Ricki’s and Reitmans. This is awesome. However…for some reason though I am straddling the line between 200′s and 100′s… I really feel bigger than I did when I was closer to 300 than 200…

I’ve been thinking about this long and hard. There are emotional triggers in my life which make me want to turn to sweets, greasy treats. But more so, I have a busy social life. I want to be out and on the go. The challenge here is two things: I either have to eat out because I do not live in the city, and to come home to eat to go back out is just not a wise choice, or I have to hope with some coaxing that my friends will cook something that fits into my daily eating habits. As of late, I have felt (this is completely internal, and nothing anyone has said) that it would just be a big hassle to have food prepared for me, and rude. So I just shut up and eat. I shut up and stop at McDonald’s for breakfast.

So after a good long talk with myself today. It wasn’t out loud.. don’t worry! I really need to stand up for me. I need to spend the money to buy myself the groceries I need to make my lunch all week, and if I want to go uptown and see friends at lunch, TAKE IT WITH ME! I need to make the time every night to prepare my lunch for the next day. I need to do these things for myself. I set a goal, and it isn’t so far out of reach, but I cannot get there if I don’t try, and apply myself and use the knowledge of good eating choices locked in this stubborn noggin of mine.

I love my personality, I love my whimsy, I love my smile, I love my curves. I do not love how my curves frown at me in the mirror when naked and make me feel undesirable, even if there are people who might claim otherwise. I need to buckle down and take care of me.

This is the only life, and only body I have. It’s time to find the balance. It’s time to take charge.

Here is hoping my internal pep talk and action plan are enough.

For the love of food,

~Squigzella

Quick apology to all those Twitter folks my account spammed last night/this morning. I have made changes and hopefully that won’t happen again. So annoying.

I spent some time yesterday working on CAiNE like things. Got some pricing back on the bus for another attempt at a Bangor Shopping trip. The price is right! Well it’s far less than we were quoted from another company when we wanted to do one in August. So as it stands right now I am looking to book for October 22nd. Should be $45.00 per person. If you are reading this and this interests you, please drop me a line! We have 56 seats to fill.

I picked up some fat free strawberry greek yogurt on the weekend. Only bummer, all the fruit is on the bottom, which means if I want to eat it out of the larger container at work I have to mix it all up at once. I love finding the fruit on the bottom! One of life’s small disappointments.

Supposed to camp this weekend. I am trying to think ahead of what fruit and snacks I can have to help me stay on track. I’m thinking of bringing some apples, bananas and almonds as snacks. I may cave and indulge on a hot dog on the fire.

Random random thoughts today. I have Wednesday scatter brain.

For the love of food,

~Squigzella

I’m going to do what I can to get there tomorrow morning, from what every media outlet is saying I should be alright to get out first thing, it’s later in the day that is going to be wicked.

So this week I diligently used WW E-tools that come with the monthly membership. It’s been a very useful tool. I’m eager to see the results. One of the major reasons is because I used 1 flex point and had a hard time eating all my points everyday. This was a struggle because I really wasn’t hungry so I didn’t want to force them. Once I see how this translates on the scale it will let me know if I have to add something to my meals to get those extra few points in. Be it margarine or cheese or more protein.

I did a fair bit of walking this week. Really need to pick up a pedometer or a pedometer app for my Blackberry. See how much movement I am getting in.

Enough of the self analysis. It’s a long weekend! Earl is on the way, hopefully it isn’t too intense. Chris W’s Bday dinner is on Sunday evening. Asian themed… I’m eager to make pot stickers! I’ll report tomorrow with measurements and weigh in results.

Wish me luck.

Set up my E-tools for WW. I totally love the Recipe Builder and the online tracker… I’m going to try to use it for the week and see how it goes. I should be able to access it from work as well so I can look stuff up. That will nice.

I’m eager to see how this first week goes. I’ve promised myself I won’t get on the scale until I weigh in on Saturday, I will also measure every two weeks.

Thanks for coming along on this journey with me.

I was very surprised to see that since I stopped going in the late spring early summer, I have only gained 3 pounds back. In my mind… it felt like all of the weight I had ever lost came back.

I decided to make use of this blog space by chronicling my journey, and being loyal to posting. This is a commitment I’m making to myself. Of course comments, feedback and all that fun stuff will obviously make it much more fun for me to use this forum, so please…let it be interactive.

Without further adieu:

Weigh in: 225.6lbs

Chest: 46.5 inches

Waist: 44 inches

Hips: 51 inches

Now that these numbers are out there… there is no hiding from them.

Let’s see how this journey goes.

I went to the Dr yesterday. She gave me some meds for my stomach problems, however last night of course don’t I have them and tada pills don’t work. So it’s proving that I need to eat NO Cheese, NO onions and NO fried foods. Other than the onions, I could likely manage. Oh well, I’ll try to make it through with the bland food for awhile and hope to cleanse out my gallbladder because in essence I’m certain that’s the issue. Either way, I don’t like it and I just hope to heck it doesn’t mean me… in a hospital for any time at all. I hate hospitals, even when they are for my own good.

Turned out to be a quiet afternoon, which is alright with me. I’ve been tired because I’ve been up a few nights with these stomach issues. So I curled up with a book and then had a nap!

I’m on vacation tomorrow, going to babysit Robert in the morning not too sure about the remainder of the day. Either way I’m going to enjoy it and do something I want to do. Maybe even a bit of shopping.

I want to go see Eclipse again… hoping I can coax someone into it.

Hope everyone had a great Canada Day!

X’s and O’s

~Squigzella

Outside of that I did find my scrapbooking supplies as well which reminds me once again I need to print off new photos and get back to that hobby, which I have always enjoyed but never really had a lot of money to sink into it. I think I am going to take some money out of my next pay and get some photos done and go from there.

Back to the event planner notion. I have some ideas, and a few things I want to be really good at before I venture into the world of special occasion planning. But it’s in my bonnet and growing. Kind of exciting to be creative about something again. Feels like it’s been awhile.

It has also been awhile since I’ve been back at Weight Watchers… I’m bad. I want to lose the weight but my head just isn’t there, I want it to be there. I think I might just suck it up, go back and vow to not quit. I have a goal in mind, I’ve been successful before, I’m not sure why all of the sudden I have self doubt. Just need to get back on the horse. We’ll see if I’m there on Saturday….

Until then, stay frosty.

PS  How many sleeps boys?