Mood: Obsessive.

So it’s day three of tracking. Doing well. Today I hit my mark on points even. Because I wanted to indulge a wee bit.

I made Julia’s Chocolate Mousse! It was amazing. Starting to think it all is going to be delicious! How did her husband live to such an old age eating so much butter?!

Not much to complain about. Got some news about my Dad’s health that has me concerned. If all goes well he’ll be fine. He has about 5 more of his 9 lives left. So I just have to keep that in mind.

Got some work done on CAINE stuff this week. May do some more tonight.

Really need some new music on my playlist. Totally open to new bands or suggestions. I’ve worn out Mumford and Sons along with Adele and James Butler Trio.

Now to post some long overdue photos!

Photos: L-R : Robert picking his pumpkin, Thanksgiving Table, Dad

Kaylee Monster, My Tree 2011, Javier the Christmas Flamingo Escaping

Javier the Christmas Flamingo COOKED!

It was a year of ups and downs that is for certain. I struggled with my weight and maintained, I started forging a plan to either rent or buy a townhouse. I bought some furniture for this future home. I did a bit of self discovery. I made some changes in how I treat people and who I have in my life. I learned the value of family, even when they drive you crazy. I have my Nan with me for another year. She beat cancer!

2012

This year has started off better than the years before it. There are some personal things going on that are simply wonderful. I know there will be challenges along the way, but I couldn’t have asked for more. Like a good friend I am going to make some commitments to myself this year.

The year I turn 34…

I will blog at LEAST once a week.

I will maintain my weight, if not lose a bit more, reaching one small weight goal at a time.

I will stay in touch with my friends far away, and build on the new friendships I have made.

I will give my all in March for CAINE 2012, and be thankful for everyone’s efforts, big or small.

I endeavor to treat others as I would like to be treated no matter how much it pains me to do so. This is a learning experience.

I will continue to write, and this year I will work on publishing my works on their own website.

I will cook from my Mastering the Art of French Cooking Cookbook at least twice a month.

All in all, not a bad list.

I look forward to my birthday this year, and spending it with friends and loved ones. I look forward to March and seeing friends who I haven’t seen in a year or more.

I look forward to traveling to Ottawa in April and St. Louis in the summer.

Bring it on 2012.

I’m ready for you.

X’s and O’s

~Squigzella

Though I have been divorced a few years now, as September 11th draws closer I remember my life then. I look fondly upon my “other life” it made me the woman I am now, and eventually lead my ex hub to his wonderful life now too. There is no bitterness there any longer.

The media is saturated with 9/11 video replays and detailed interviews of those who suffered loss that day, those who survived the day. Yes, it was an absolute tragedy. Yes, we should not forget those lost.

Should those of us who suffered through that day have to be subjected to re-living the tale every year?  Maybe I’m cold… or selfish.

As I said, I have been divorced now for a few years, but the memory of thinking my love was dead… the memory of his terrors for months, years later after surviving and how they tortured him… I just want to scream at the TV.

Yes it was a terrorist attack and yes it still terrorizes us. The media facilitates it… and it just makes me want to tune out the world for the next week. Let me mourn that day in peace. Don’t announce 10 years later new reports from air traffic controllers or survivors to try to make it more heroic. It is, what it was 10 years ago. A tragedy.

*steps off soap box*

I will never forget. I will never need a reminder.

Squigzella

Recently in a conversation with a good friend they pointed out my constant quips about my body image. This is interesting for a few reasons.

Before I lost ANY weight, I had no negative issues with my self image. I loved me for me, and the reason I started watching what I ate more closely 4 years ago was my fear of diabetes which runs in my family.

Recently I’ve been at a stand still, but I have also wanted to just eat what I want. I am totally awestruck that I don’t have to buy plus size clothes anymore. I can find clothes to fit my body at Old Navy (Size 14-16 even) and at Ricki’s and Reitmans. This is awesome. However…for some reason though I am straddling the line between 200′s and 100′s… I really feel bigger than I did when I was closer to 300 than 200…

I’ve been thinking about this long and hard. There are emotional triggers in my life which make me want to turn to sweets, greasy treats. But more so, I have a busy social life. I want to be out and on the go. The challenge here is two things: I either have to eat out because I do not live in the city, and to come home to eat to go back out is just not a wise choice, or I have to hope with some coaxing that my friends will cook something that fits into my daily eating habits. As of late, I have felt (this is completely internal, and nothing anyone has said) that it would just be a big hassle to have food prepared for me, and rude. So I just shut up and eat. I shut up and stop at McDonald’s for breakfast.

So after a good long talk with myself today. It wasn’t out loud.. don’t worry! I really need to stand up for me. I need to spend the money to buy myself the groceries I need to make my lunch all week, and if I want to go uptown and see friends at lunch, TAKE IT WITH ME! I need to make the time every night to prepare my lunch for the next day. I need to do these things for myself. I set a goal, and it isn’t so far out of reach, but I cannot get there if I don’t try, and apply myself and use the knowledge of good eating choices locked in this stubborn noggin of mine.

I love my personality, I love my whimsy, I love my smile, I love my curves. I do not love how my curves frown at me in the mirror when naked and make me feel undesirable, even if there are people who might claim otherwise. I need to buckle down and take care of me.

This is the only life, and only body I have. It’s time to find the balance. It’s time to take charge.

Here is hoping my internal pep talk and action plan are enough.

For the love of food,

~Squigzella

I celebrated my birthday in February – begrudgingly. I am not liking my 30’s yet, even though people keep telling me they are the best. Perhaps 2011 will reveal that.

In March we ventured off to CAINE in Trois Rivieres. During this time the best kept secret was revealed. For months Bill and I worked on a Trustee packet for Chris D and it all came to fruition. That definitely made it worth the wait. He was totally shocked.

Spring turned to summer and the time just flew by. We visited Jared and Vicki in Halifax and planned to go down to help them move back.

Before we knew it summer was over and it was time to help move them back to NB. After 4 long years away, it was wonderful to help move them home.

Towards the end of summer I also decided I would go back to Weight Watchers. I believe I started back August 24th. I’m still going strong. I have a goal for Caine 2011. I’m not far off. (wish me luck and self discipline)

The fall was relatively quiet until Sean and Kaylee made their appearances into the world. In the fall we also got news that we officially got CAINE 2012. This means the next year and a half is going to go by in a blink!

So wrap up the year… November Bill made his way back to NB for work and spent a few days with us. Rumour has it he will be back again in January. December I did way too much Christmas shopping and had my share of ups and down with my work environment. Having two weeks off for the Holiday Season has been just what I needed.

Now for 2011 -

-Continue on with Weight Watchers and hit my first big goal by March 17th, 2011

-Find an apartment with my dream kitchen.

-Buy a new sofa set for said apartment.

-Make the journey to a friends Wedding in a far away land.

-Travel a bit more, and plan to travel more after CAINE 2012

-Stay motivated and keep the team focused on fundraising for CAINE 2012

-Take up a new hobby

- Open up a savings account for Travel.

-Purge all my old clothes I have been hanging on to.

-Remind the people in my life how important they are to me, more often.

Well I think that’s all for now. Let’s look back on this in a few months and see where I am at.

Happiness and Health in 2011.

One of my best friends is in labor as we speak. Very excited to meet their new son!

Another great friend is celebrating his birthday tonight. Should be a wonderful time. Hurricane Earl turned out to be a dud, so even though the weather wasn’t terrible, I did opt to stay in. I made my first batch of blueberry jam, which I must say turned out awesome! I’m very proud of myself. Don’t be surprised if you all don’t get jams for Christmas.

Now onto more exciting news:

Weigh in: 222.8lbs

Chest: 45.5 inches

Waist: 43.5 inches

Hips: 50 inches

I think measuring with a measuring tape is going to be what satisfies me this time around. I really love seeing those #’s change. But I had an excellent week at WW, wish me luck on week two now that it’s becoming more routine!

I went to the Dr yesterday. She gave me some meds for my stomach problems, however last night of course don’t I have them and tada pills don’t work. So it’s proving that I need to eat NO Cheese, NO onions and NO fried foods. Other than the onions, I could likely manage. Oh well, I’ll try to make it through with the bland food for awhile and hope to cleanse out my gallbladder because in essence I’m certain that’s the issue. Either way, I don’t like it and I just hope to heck it doesn’t mean me… in a hospital for any time at all. I hate hospitals, even when they are for my own good.

Turned out to be a quiet afternoon, which is alright with me. I’ve been tired because I’ve been up a few nights with these stomach issues. So I curled up with a book and then had a nap!

I’m on vacation tomorrow, going to babysit Robert in the morning not too sure about the remainder of the day. Either way I’m going to enjoy it and do something I want to do. Maybe even a bit of shopping.

I want to go see Eclipse again… hoping I can coax someone into it.

Hope everyone had a great Canada Day!

X’s and O’s

~Squigzella

February – I turned 31. We had a birthday party for me, where I had a pretty cool “Edward” cake and some really nice prezzies from friends. It was in February that we also saw one of our dear friends Carter off to Japan for go knows how long, and Greg and Robert share their birthday as well. Robert turning the big ONE! We celebrated at Pizza Hut. We also found out in late January  early February that Dale and Juls would be parents, meaning I was going to be an Auntie in 2009! Well auntie to family by choice, not by blood. Either way, equally as cool.

March – In March we ventured to Toronto, by train. It was the longest train ride in the history of man! Jared, Chris, Hil and I had an adventure. Chris marked his territory at every GTA landmark with vomit, due to a bout of food poisoning. We reconnected with some old and dear friends. It was a great time. Chris and I were introduced to Tattoo Black Rum by Jody… and drinking hasn’t been the same since.

April – In April, we went to Halifax for Hil’s birthday and visited with Jared, Vicki and Sylas. It was a great weekend with great friends.

May – Jenn, Tara and I decided on a cross border adventure. We went to Bangor for a shopping weekend. We spent a fair bit of cash, and had some great laughs and great food. It was more amusing how many people we ran into that we knew from home. Ruby Tuesday’s Girls… Ruby Tuesdays… We also can’t forget that Mike and Cole became parents to a handsome little man, Alex!

June – Summer came…and well, I don’t recall one overly eventful thing in June.

July – I’m sure something happened in July too but it isn’t imprinted in my memory at all. Work was crazy busy which made summer fly by!

August – The scoobs went camping in Wickham. We endured the rain on Saturday until we couldn’t take it any longer and then made a night of it at Greg and Chris’s place. We followed it up with one of our famous big breakfasts…somehow Jared managed to get out of cooking it. Hrmmm…

September – Impossible Realities, Bill and Jody visited. It was great to see them and to show them our little corner of the world. We introduced Bill to Suwanna, and Jody and Bill introduced us to sneaky guys who pay the bill for a party of 10! Mark my words we will get you back on that grand a scale at some point guys! Danika Nicole Duffield was born. Dale and Juls became parents to an adorable little girl and I became and Auntie!

October – My great Aunt passed on, and my best friend got married. It was a busy month. Many months leading up to this were spent doing wedding prep. It came, and was beautiful. After making what felt like a million cupcakes, I survived and I think the tier looked great! My boss dropped a bombshell that he was leaving us at the beginning of October. I took on a lot of new responsibilities at my job and introduced a whole new level of stress.

November – We had a November? Dale started working with me, spiced up my days a bit. Started working on things for Christmas and thinking about Trois Riviere in March. Oh and of course Tara, Chris and I went to see New Moon when it came out. How could Chris miss out on Jacob? We also celebrated Dale and Juls birthday in one go with some bowling and a get together.

December – Well here we are. Christmas came and went rather quickly. As we get older, it always happens this way. It’s New Years eve…makes me struggle to remember where I was this day 10 years ago. I can’t quite recall. May this new year be filled with great friends and wonderful memories.

Happy New Year Everyone!

Outside of that I did find my scrapbooking supplies as well which reminds me once again I need to print off new photos and get back to that hobby, which I have always enjoyed but never really had a lot of money to sink into it. I think I am going to take some money out of my next pay and get some photos done and go from there.

Back to the event planner notion. I have some ideas, and a few things I want to be really good at before I venture into the world of special occasion planning. But it’s in my bonnet and growing. Kind of exciting to be creative about something again. Feels like it’s been awhile.

It has also been awhile since I’ve been back at Weight Watchers… I’m bad. I want to lose the weight but my head just isn’t there, I want it to be there. I think I might just suck it up, go back and vow to not quit. I have a goal in mind, I’ve been successful before, I’m not sure why all of the sudden I have self doubt. Just need to get back on the horse. We’ll see if I’m there on Saturday….

Until then, stay frosty.

PS  How many sleeps boys?

I think I need to ponder on it more, but it’s never too late to do what you want.