Wasn’t an awesome food week, but wasn’t terrible. Was down .4 which really is something. Trying to stay focused with all the stress. Work is about to explode with insanity in the next few weeks. I’m trying to keep things organized. This week that will include cleaning out my file drawer. I HATE filing, but it needs done desperately and cleaning up that area will clean up my mind.

Went to Micheal’s today and picked up $495 worth of foliage for $46 bucks! Yay CAiNE props! Also started working on the center pieces for OWoD. Just need to track down my glue gun to make real progress.

Back to your regularly scheduled life.

~Squigzella

Recently in a conversation with a good friend they pointed out my constant quips about my body image. This is interesting for a few reasons.

Before I lost ANY weight, I had no negative issues with my self image. I loved me for me, and the reason I started watching what I ate more closely 4 years ago was my fear of diabetes which runs in my family.

Recently I’ve been at a stand still, but I have also wanted to just eat what I want. I am totally awestruck that I don’t have to buy plus size clothes anymore. I can find clothes to fit my body at Old Navy (Size 14-16 even) and at Ricki’s and Reitmans. This is awesome. However…for some reason though I am straddling the line between 200′s and 100′s… I really feel bigger than I did when I was closer to 300 than 200…

I’ve been thinking about this long and hard. There are emotional triggers in my life which make me want to turn to sweets, greasy treats. But more so, I have a busy social life. I want to be out and on the go. The challenge here is two things: I either have to eat out because I do not live in the city, and to come home to eat to go back out is just not a wise choice, or I have to hope with some coaxing that my friends will cook something that fits into my daily eating habits. As of late, I have felt (this is completely internal, and nothing anyone has said) that it would just be a big hassle to have food prepared for me, and rude. So I just shut up and eat. I shut up and stop at McDonald’s for breakfast.

So after a good long talk with myself today. It wasn’t out loud.. don’t worry! I really need to stand up for me. I need to spend the money to buy myself the groceries I need to make my lunch all week, and if I want to go uptown and see friends at lunch, TAKE IT WITH ME! I need to make the time every night to prepare my lunch for the next day. I need to do these things for myself. I set a goal, and it isn’t so far out of reach, but I cannot get there if I don’t try, and apply myself and use the knowledge of good eating choices locked in this stubborn noggin of mine.

I love my personality, I love my whimsy, I love my smile, I love my curves. I do not love how my curves frown at me in the mirror when naked and make me feel undesirable, even if there are people who might claim otherwise. I need to buckle down and take care of me.

This is the only life, and only body I have. It’s time to find the balance. It’s time to take charge.

Here is hoping my internal pep talk and action plan are enough.

For the love of food,

~Squigzella

I celebrated my birthday in February – begrudgingly. I am not liking my 30’s yet, even though people keep telling me they are the best. Perhaps 2011 will reveal that.

In March we ventured off to CAINE in Trois Rivieres. During this time the best kept secret was revealed. For months Bill and I worked on a Trustee packet for Chris D and it all came to fruition. That definitely made it worth the wait. He was totally shocked.

Spring turned to summer and the time just flew by. We visited Jared and Vicki in Halifax and planned to go down to help them move back.

Before we knew it summer was over and it was time to help move them back to NB. After 4 long years away, it was wonderful to help move them home.

Towards the end of summer I also decided I would go back to Weight Watchers. I believe I started back August 24th. I’m still going strong. I have a goal for Caine 2011. I’m not far off. (wish me luck and self discipline)

The fall was relatively quiet until Sean and Kaylee made their appearances into the world. In the fall we also got news that we officially got CAINE 2012. This means the next year and a half is going to go by in a blink!

So wrap up the year… November Bill made his way back to NB for work and spent a few days with us. Rumour has it he will be back again in January. December I did way too much Christmas shopping and had my share of ups and down with my work environment. Having two weeks off for the Holiday Season has been just what I needed.

Now for 2011 -

-Continue on with Weight Watchers and hit my first big goal by March 17th, 2011

-Find an apartment with my dream kitchen.

-Buy a new sofa set for said apartment.

-Make the journey to a friends Wedding in a far away land.

-Travel a bit more, and plan to travel more after CAINE 2012

-Stay motivated and keep the team focused on fundraising for CAINE 2012

-Take up a new hobby

- Open up a savings account for Travel.

-Purge all my old clothes I have been hanging on to.

-Remind the people in my life how important they are to me, more often.

Well I think that’s all for now. Let’s look back on this in a few months and see where I am at.

Happiness and Health in 2011.

One of my best friends is in labor as we speak. Very excited to meet their new son!

Another great friend is celebrating his birthday tonight. Should be a wonderful time. Hurricane Earl turned out to be a dud, so even though the weather wasn’t terrible, I did opt to stay in. I made my first batch of blueberry jam, which I must say turned out awesome! I’m very proud of myself. Don’t be surprised if you all don’t get jams for Christmas.

Now onto more exciting news:

Weigh in: 222.8lbs

Chest: 45.5 inches

Waist: 43.5 inches

Hips: 50 inches

I think measuring with a measuring tape is going to be what satisfies me this time around. I really love seeing those #’s change. But I had an excellent week at WW, wish me luck on week two now that it’s becoming more routine!

I’m going to do what I can to get there tomorrow morning, from what every media outlet is saying I should be alright to get out first thing, it’s later in the day that is going to be wicked.

So this week I diligently used WW E-tools that come with the monthly membership. It’s been a very useful tool. I’m eager to see the results. One of the major reasons is because I used 1 flex point and had a hard time eating all my points everyday. This was a struggle because I really wasn’t hungry so I didn’t want to force them. Once I see how this translates on the scale it will let me know if I have to add something to my meals to get those extra few points in. Be it margarine or cheese or more protein.

I did a fair bit of walking this week. Really need to pick up a pedometer or a pedometer app for my Blackberry. See how much movement I am getting in.

Enough of the self analysis. It’s a long weekend! Earl is on the way, hopefully it isn’t too intense. Chris W’s Bday dinner is on Sunday evening. Asian themed… I’m eager to make pot stickers! I’ll report tomorrow with measurements and weigh in results.

Wish me luck.

Set up my E-tools for WW. I totally love the Recipe Builder and the online tracker… I’m going to try to use it for the week and see how it goes. I should be able to access it from work as well so I can look stuff up. That will nice.

I’m eager to see how this first week goes. I’ve promised myself I won’t get on the scale until I weigh in on Saturday, I will also measure every two weeks.

Thanks for coming along on this journey with me.

I was very surprised to see that since I stopped going in the late spring early summer, I have only gained 3 pounds back. In my mind… it felt like all of the weight I had ever lost came back.

I decided to make use of this blog space by chronicling my journey, and being loyal to posting. This is a commitment I’m making to myself. Of course comments, feedback and all that fun stuff will obviously make it much more fun for me to use this forum, so please…let it be interactive.

Without further adieu:

Weigh in: 225.6lbs

Chest: 46.5 inches

Waist: 44 inches

Hips: 51 inches

Now that these numbers are out there… there is no hiding from them.

Let’s see how this journey goes.

Outside of that I did find my scrapbooking supplies as well which reminds me once again I need to print off new photos and get back to that hobby, which I have always enjoyed but never really had a lot of money to sink into it. I think I am going to take some money out of my next pay and get some photos done and go from there.

Back to the event planner notion. I have some ideas, and a few things I want to be really good at before I venture into the world of special occasion planning. But it’s in my bonnet and growing. Kind of exciting to be creative about something again. Feels like it’s been awhile.

It has also been awhile since I’ve been back at Weight Watchers… I’m bad. I want to lose the weight but my head just isn’t there, I want it to be there. I think I might just suck it up, go back and vow to not quit. I have a goal in mind, I’ve been successful before, I’m not sure why all of the sudden I have self doubt. Just need to get back on the horse. We’ll see if I’m there on Saturday….

Until then, stay frosty.

PS  How many sleeps boys?

This time of year is always exceptionally difficult on me. A few years ago I had some personal issues that were very hard on me. During that time I also lost one of my close friends. So between the first of April and the end of May it is an uphill battle to keep my shiny disposition. That being said it has also been very hard for me to stay focused on my fitness and weight loss goals, because I want to eat based on emotions. *sigh* It’s hard. However on the positive note, I have one friend near by and one who is far away I have been able to talk to about most of these issues and really found that I have the inner strength to get through.

Really I need to focus on the fact that my experiences in life have made me stronger and primed me to better handle whatever else might come my way. In saying that I need to acknowledge that it isn’t always easy, but the experience I’ve had have shaped me into who I am now, but I should not let them govern how I continue to live my life. Hardships have been endured and survived. I’m still here.

That’s something.

We go away in 17 days. I can’t believe how fast it is creeping up. I need to find a less formal outfit for one of the events. I am going to do some shopping this week and hopefully I’ll find something.

I was so exhausted I didn’t go to WW yesterday. I should have. But I didn’t. I did get on the scale and I am down just under a pound from last week. Ill be back next Sat of course. I was just so burned out I couldn’t pry myself out of bed to go.

On the topic of WW, I am starting to feel a difference in my clothes. God I love that feeling. I suspect by the end of March I’ll need to get new jeans, if not before. Mine are coming off without being undone now, but they are still comfy and don’t look *too* big.

I am eager to get things organized with Tara for her wedding in October, which reminds me to send her a To Do list we made. We are going out on Tuesday night, I’m looking forward to it. I didn’t realize how much we had been hanging out until she is now back to work, D&D was cancelled and I haven’t seen her. I miss her! So I’m looking forward to hanging out on Tuesday. Hopefully the weather won’t cancel D&D on us again this week.

Dave is coming… I want to go… Well to Montreal and Boston. I wanna go… I wanna go…

On a personal note, I got some stuff off my chest last night… and I feel better. I am always surprised by the compassion and understanding of some people in my life. I am truly blessed.

off to get groceries I go.

X’s and O’s

~Squigzella